God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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