Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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