Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
