Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
