if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've blown a few things in my day
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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