Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
