I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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