Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
