Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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