So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
