Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
