I bet he comes in French.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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