i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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