My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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