guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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