Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When are your genitals available?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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