im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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