haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
