Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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