My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
