i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
