If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His nipple licking is glorious
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