Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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