Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
