Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
