If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
