I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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