Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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