if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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