i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
