i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
