Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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