The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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