I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
