I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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