angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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