No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My bed smells like the plague
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