last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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