So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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