I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
