She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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