My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
