An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
