My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
