alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
