I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
