Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
