Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
