found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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