Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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