Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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