Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
