Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
