Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
