i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
