My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
