his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
