omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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