Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
