my phone needs a breathalizer
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
